I was having a conversation with one of my male friends from college today. He was telling me about school and future plans, which prompted me to ask if he was dating. He said no and that he had no interest in being anybody’s boyfriend right now. Period. No further explanation offered. While I don’t doubt he’s getting it when he needs it, I was shocked by his response. Why? Because most people either proclaim to be off the market because A) They haven’t found anyone worth their time or B) Are too busy doing whatever it is keeps them from dedicating time and 1% of the 10% of brain space we actually use to another person (playing the field, school, work, etc).  My friend, however, was unapologetic and offered no excuses for what so many single people are afraid to admit—we just don’t feel like it.

Sometimes, there is no real reason why we don’t want to be in a relationship. For relationship fanatics, though, “single” is a four-letter word so vulgar you have to whisper it. Say you’re single and get the pity look. Say you’re single for no real reason and get tied down and taken straight to Shutter Island. Even worse, perpetually single women are seen as lonely and Jennifer Aniston-ish, while perpetually single men are seen as closeted gays a la Tyler Perry (to be brutally honest).  So, it’s understandable that single folks feel the need to come up with a laundry list of fake reasons we aren’t in relationships. I hate having to lie and say I’m too busy (I’m not) or haven’t found anyone worth my time (I have).  At the end of the day, no matter how much free time I have or how much I enjoy the company of a male friend, I like the relationship I have with myself. I like my relationship with me so much, I’d make Oprah proud.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that single people who are desperate to be in a relationship have never been in a relationship. Ever. They may have come close, but no cigar. I don’t care who you dated in high school for three weeks, or who you called your boyfriend in college for two months. I don’t even care that you were in love with someone for three years and it just never moved beyond the friendship stage. Love is love. A relationship is something else. Sure, a relationship may involve love, but people in relationships know that love is only half the battle. Love doesn’t cause the argument over who left toothpaste on the sink—that’s the relationship’s fault. Until you’ve looked in the mirror and realized that you’ve suddenly morphed into a different person (good or bad) since you first met the object of your desire, you haven’t been in a relationship.

But, of course, you relationship enthusiasts continue to think that single life is lonely and gay. Us former relationship-ers know better. We know that the relationship grass isn’t greener. We know that the grass on the single side of the fence grows in a perfect bug-free climate and stays green with little to no effort. We know that it takes an exorbitant amount of the purest spring water at a temperature of exactly 52 degrees to keep the grass green on the relationship side of the fence. We know that water isn’t even always enough to keep the relationship grass green because sometimes the air is too dry for the grass to grow or there’s been an infestation of pests who love to munch on the relationship grass (infer your own metaphors here).

Even as I write this blog, I know relationship fanatics around the world are rolling their eyes thinking that I’m bitter over my last relationship. I’m not. I know that the next man who asks why I don’t have a boyfriend will follow up with asking if I’m a lesbian when I can’t produce a good reason. I’m not that either. I know people want to reach out to me and remind me that a good man is waiting on me and to maintain my faith. They may even offer prayer. Thanks, but no thanks. Really, I’m fine. I’m not busy, on a spiritual journey, jaded, or bored with the opposite sex. I just know what relationships are. I know their value and I know their pitfalls. More importantly, though, I know that I just don’t feel like being in a relationship. Period. No further explanation needed.