Marry, Kill, or Do: Resume Dater Edition

There was once lived a girl who’d never expressed how a man made her feel emotionally. Through all the endless conversations she’d have with her girlfriends about the men she dated, words like “butterflies,” “real connection,” “funny,” or “chemistry” never escaped her lips. Instead, she’d gush about what school he attended, what his career plans were, and how those career plans somehow aligned with her own. She was in love with a man’s accomplishments. She was a resume dater. See, men date women they may not really like for sex and dump them not too long after. Women, on the other hand, date men they may not really like for his achievements…and try to wife him. Shocking, I know.

Whose fault is it that a woman can have absolutely nothing in common with a man other than a college education and still convince herself that he’s The One? I don’t know, but women are told from an early age to get themselves a man with a good job and money. Period. Remember, Belle wasn’t checkin’ for that above-average cabin-dwelling villager, Gaston. Far from it. She was strung out on a bipolar Beast who lived in the middle of nowhere with talking dishes. Alas, the important thing was that he kept her lookin’ fly, dancin’ around ballrooms while hired servants not only catered to her, but provided unlimited emotional support. Gaston wasn’t spending racks on her like that. Nor did Gaston live in a castle. Personality-wise, Gaston and Beast were both pretty uncouth and foul, so neither trumped the other in that area. Yet, Belle gave Beast that kiss. Message sent.

For those of us in our twenties, men who don’t live in castles still manage get put on auto-choose just for enrolling in a good state university. Think about it. Pudgy, nerdy, or no-game havin’ a** ninjas are choosin’ like they just scored the winning shot. Game 7. Women don’t date men they feel extra tingly over because attraction and personality are only 10% of the equation. Nope, they date men with credentials…men who are “on their level.”  A lot of resume daters could care less about a real connection. It’s why some women are only capable of establishing a connection with a man based on accomplishments. If your conversations with the woman you’re dating start and end with discussion about school and/or career, she doesn’t really like you like that. I mean, she probably likes you, but she doesn’t like you.

For women, the real problem with being a resume dater is that it’s intuitive to equate earning potential with being a good guy (or a guy that’s good for them). It has a lot to do with the perception that a man is educated because he’s a good man. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there has never been a black nerd on TV who was also a player. In fact, the media (and Tyler Perry) has been dividing black men into faithful Carlton’s and womanizing Will’s for generations. Consequently, resume daters put impressive resumes on a pedestal and act accordingly.

The thing is, resume daters aren’t heauxs or gold-diggers (those are women of another variety). They’re women who are simply doing what society tells them to do—going out and choosing breadwinners. Unlike heauxs and gold-diggers, resume daters aren’t out to trick anybody. They’re out for love, just like anybody else.